• Welcome
• Meet Mia
• Mia’s Books
• Blog
• Recipe Box
• Press
• Contact

Wake Up Call

Posted on | September 24, 2008 | 1 Comment Leave a comment | Print This Post   

I’ve been a bit MIA these past few days (pun intended). I’ve been under the weather and it’s given me a chance to, well, think a few things through. And I’m sure it’s no coincidence that I’m a few days shy of my 40th birthday.

I write about female characters who are in their mid-life, who have been going about their business thinking that everything is fine. And it is, of course, but what they don’t know is that life has more in store for them. But for both Deidre McIntosh and Marissa Price, they are brought into these changes somewhat reluctantly. Why mess with the status quo when the status quo seems to be working just fine? And even if something isn’t perfect, at least there are other things that are, and that should be good enough, right?

Well, for starters, I guess I’ve always believed that we all have the capacity to experience great things in our lives, myself included. And yet for some reason many of us stop ourselves short of getting, or saying, what we really want. A dear friend of mine asked me, “If someone were to walk through your door today and ask you, ‘What do you really want?’, could you tell them immediately?”

I can’t tell you how sobering it was to realize that no, I couldn’t! At least not right away, and therein lies the problem. It’s not a question you need to think about. Sure, I have my short list of material things, of things that would be cool or fun to experience, of better relationships and friendships, but when presented with a question that was meant to be answered from the heart, I froze up.

What do I really, really want?

Well, I will be honest and say that I spent a while feeling guilty that I didn’t have the answer to that question. What kind of person was I, not to know? And to top it off, I also had a lot of mom issues come up for me this week. So I added that on top of the heap: what kind of mom was I, not to know?

I’m a cerebral person, and I am grateful for the mind I have but it can also do a number on me. Being under the weather (a cold/flu thing this week, something a lot more serious a couple weeks back) really helped me to get out of my mind and into my body, though not without one heck of a fight.

I think we all want to be real, but we’re not so sure what that means, so we try all sorts of different experiences and roles (perfect mom, wife, senior VP, school volunteer, business owner) in an attempt to get more clear. But then some of us get, shall we say, a little stuck in those roles or experiences. And you can feel it, inside, when that happens. Not sure what I’m talking about? Here are some of the symptoms: fatigue, exhaustion, frustration, guilt.

And that’s what happened to me.

So, now that we know, what comes next? Well, choosing some new experiences for one. What feels good to you? What makes you feel better, not worse, when you think about it? Better yet, what makes you feel REALLY good, maybe even a little joyful or exuberant, when you think about it? Can you think about those new experiences without adding a “but”? Okay, it won’t be easy at first, but what have you got to lose? No, potential disappointment over a potential new experience doesn’t count–we’re in a creative space here. So if a “but” comes up, just stop yourself and put a period right before that three-letter word.

That’s where I am right now. In the process of choosing some new experiences, and being okay with that. It doesn’t take away from any of your previous experiences. You don’t have to do anything, just think about what feels good. Period. Cut the but. I’ve got at least another 40 years to go and that’s a lot of time to try on some new experiences. And I’m going to loosen up on some of my previous experiences, the ones that were good (and not so good) but that I was still holding on to (and tight!).

I want to be able to choose and create a fulfilling future rather than be brought into it kicking and screaming–not that it doesn’t work that way, too, but it’s a heck of a lot more enjoyable the first way.

If you’re in a similar space, I invite you to add an intention of something that you want in a comment below. I’m all for us getting us much of what we want, and in the most joyful of ways–myself included!

For Moms, For Readers

Comments