2010. I have been waiting for this year to come for reasons I cannot explain. I actually started writing it on checks last year. I have photos that I’ve dated 2010 when it was 2009. I’d say it even trumps 2020 for me, a year that I’m sure will get lots of media coverage and attention with people making all sorts of predictions and resolutions, end-of-the-world kind of drama and the like. But it just doesn’t do much for me. 2010, on the other hand, is my year, baby.
I have no explanation as to why this is the case, or what this even means. Nothing of significance could happen and I would still feel this way. On the home front, I’ll be 42. Nothing particularly jazzy about that (other than the fact that I’ll be FORTY … TWO … when did that happen? Really? We’ll save that for another post). I’m not pregnant (knock on wood), my three kids are growing up (one turns four on Sunday), there are a few exciting things in the hopper but nothing’s come out of the chute and there’s not even a guarantee that anything will. The country is still in a recession. So why the optimism?
As somebody who tends to occupy both sides — thinking and feeling, left brain and right — I can say that sometimes you just have to go with it. Even if you COULD explain it, what difference would it make? You’re still going to feel the way you feel, and that’s the important thing. 2010 is just a detail, a specific that gives you another piece of information but at the end of the day, that’s all it is. 2010 in itself is not going to do anything for me. As a concept, as a year, as a time in place it’s not going to change my life. That part is up to me.
So yes, I’m feeling expansive at the moment, which is not always the case if you’ve read any of my past posts. But it’s where I am now, and let’s face it — it’s so much better here than on the other side when you just want to keep rolling around in the mud. Expansive is a good thing. Wanting is a good thing. Wanting tells us what kind of experiences we want — you don’t necessarily want your neighbor’s house, you want the feeling you get when you are in that neighbor’s house or when you think of that neighbor’s house. Wanting points us in the right direction, in the direction of our heart’s desire. And of course it may change tomorrow — we’re human, after all — but for now let’s go with it.
So 2010, here you are. I’ve been waiting for you. We’re 14 days into the new year, two weeks to be precise, and all I can say is, welcome.